Slideshow
From a presentation Valerie gave during a Group Meeting:
Dialogue is a good way to show rather than tell because people talking to each other in the story can reveal details about themselves dynamically, in real time, rather than have information given through passive exposition from author or narrator to reader without any character interaction. The story slows down when you rely too heavily exposition. Be careful, though, not to overly rely on dialogue because unless it’s a play you’re writing, characters don’t talk all the time. Pace and balance the action with the exposition with the dialogue by varying the lengths of each. Dialogue is a great way to reveal character motives and agendas.
Dialogue is difficult sometimes because it’s three dimensional: it reveals the character’s personality, what the character’s perceptions are and what he or she thinks, feels, and believes about the others in the story and their collective circumstances; and it transcends the fourth wall. There is no barrier between reader and characters when dialogue is engaging, authentic, and informative. It requires active participation; readers listen in, and they don’t just watch from a distance or rely on second hand accounts.
This intimacy is not without pitfalls. The characters are biased. Truth is subjective and malleable. If there is a strong third person omniscient narrator, then truth is often objective through that voice in the reader’s ear, but if any empathy is to develop between the reader and the characters, then we need to literally hear their voices.
Avoiding over reliance on cliché while striving for true to life presentation is key because while familiarity is welcoming, predictability, banality, and repetition are off-putting.
Period pieces all benefit from language use that is true to the time frame, but can get bogged down in awkward sentence construction and unfamiliar vocabulary. A book that successfully employs period language and scientific knowledge without overwhelming the reader with overly formal style when characters interact is The Delicate Dependency, A Novel of the Vampire Life by Michael Talbot, 1982, which takes place in Victorian London, approximately 1892. A doctor’s tale of studying a mysterious illness called Haemophilus Influenzae and his encounter with a strange youth named Niccolo who is averse to sunlight leads us through fantasy, horror, crime, epidemiology, and a clash of two different worlds existing side by side, day and night, mortal and immortal. The main character, Dr. John Gladstone, is the narrator, so his voice pervades the story. The author employs a college reading level without resorting to academic style, and conversations between characters are not pretentious nor do they use obscure language. Choice vocabulary vital to the plot and scene descriptions help convey the Victorian era feel.
Biographies and historical fiction can benefit from select quotes with concise summaries offered by the narrator or in the author’s voice, and fiction may contain streamlined, modernized dialogue where key actors must speak. Consider Lady of the Butterflies by Fiona Mountain, historical fiction based upon the life of Eleanor Glanville of 17th Century London during the Restoration. This daughter of a Puritan nobleman was a foremost naturalist and environmentalist in an age where women were expected to marry well, breed, and do needle work. Her contribution to entomology, particularly the study of butterflies, was pioneering and exhaustive. The author successfully relays the true story of Glanville’s life mixed in with vivid, believable conjecture about some of the daily personal events she experienced. Rather than rely on the stiff, aristocratic tone in pubic as well as private speech of the day, the author exposits scenes describing the pageantry, décor, dress, and ritual of social intercourse and lets her characters, particularly Eleanor Granville and her close circle, relax and get on with their discussions and conversations which are peppered sparingly yet no less flavorfully with appropriate words, sentence structure, and idioms.
Niche genres – Certain genres have a group jargon and formulaic story arcs. Some examples of these particular genres include noir, crime/murder mystery novels, war stories, fantasy, such as A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones series of books by George R. R. Martin) and science fiction to a certain degree, especially space-based stories. The key to success here is to acknowledge those parameters while injecting original spin and balancing authenticity with fresh story-telling and dialogue. I read the entire Game of Thrones series plus one of the two prequels and have little desire to watch the series. The only temptation for me there is actually seeing and hearing Tyrion Lannister played by Peter Dinklage. The character is so compelling: hilarious, sarcastic, manipulative, witty, and self-preserving, that I am curious how he translated from page to screen. Friends tell me he shines. So, this is a roundabout way to demonstrate how clear, convincing, and gripping character building through Tyrion’s dialogue and self-dialogue in the novels transitioned beautifully into a well-written, well-acted part on television even if half the time Tyrion was “in his cups.”
Choosing a voice for each character that is distinctive and consistent can have its pitfalls. Harlan and I have spoken at length on this subject. Here are a few highlights. Risks include offending readers with stereotypes. Avoid this by staying sensitive to how character voices represent diverse populations – be real without being offensive. Do your research. Ask what is necessary and why?
Race, color: very touchy for white authors to write characters of color without crossing lines. If you’re writing a historical fiction piece, avoid over reliance on verbal idiosyncrasies; use sparingly in all cases. If you’re writing about real life, quote writings and speeches with citations.
Ethnicity, nationality: same as above. One example I’m familiar with is Ireland, A Terrible Beauty by Leon Uris, photos by his wife Jill Uris. They are Americans who explored Ireland in the 1970’s during The Troubles and right after Bloody Sunday. The prose is a historical and contemporary look at Ireland and Northern Ireland that highlights the deep rooted causes of turbulent current events, albeit outdated now in 2020. The oppression and violence is painstakingly documented. The author relies on historical quotes and timely interviews to add voices to his main characters: Ireland and Northern Ireland, Catholics and Protestants. He doesn’t interject his own voice except for some possibly strong tone due to word choice that could be interpreted as ‘angry’ when describing some Protestant anti-unionists in Northern Ireland. I didn’t think so, but some reviewers did. I am also biased, unfortunately. He did not, however, inject American sentiment into the story.
Religion: same as above. Use prayers, meditations, religious text quotes, sermons, etc., sparingly, and in the proper context. Unless you’re writing about a preacher or a monk or yogi, less is more. Give enough information to get your message across and let it be. Trust your audience. If a character is sanctimonious, be strategic in placing judgmental language in the right places in the plot and dialogue. If your character is hypocritical, do the same. Characters can talk about each other when present in the conversation or not, as well. The goal is to create believable characters not overbearing cartoons.
Sexual orientation and gender: same as above; ask yourself why this character is necessary to your story, do your research on the LGBTQNBA+ community and literature, and ask for feedback from relevant readers and authors.
Disability/health: ditto. Research proper terminology; get feedback from the community; ask why this character must be this way in the story.
Narrator’s voice: same as above. The narrator might or might not be a character in the story. For me, personally, I like the narrator to be neutral if the piece is written in third person. First person, anything goes. I do risk offending people, though, but not deliberately with the desire to offend them. The characters in my short stories are simply horrible people, and I’d be concerned if people didn’t take offense with the characters. They’re bigots in a dystopian future.
Idioms are useful tools to convey time, place, and mood. Research the usage. Examples of common modern idioms include: raining cats and dogs; we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it; your guess is as good as mine; wrap my head around that. “In his cups” and “below the salt” are two examples from Game of Thrones that convey character status: drunk and common, as opposed to gentry, aristocrat, or royal. Commoners sat at feasts at tables where no salt was used nor passed around to flavor their food.
Slang can be helpful setting time and place, too. “Give me some hooch, daddio” said the flapper to the bartender. It’s helpful when indicating both an informal, intimate moment between characters, and a charged, public display of the unity of one group clashing against another in order to distinguish who is who in the fray. For instance, two factions such as the Molly Maguires and the Pinkertons in the late 19th century coal mines of Pennsylvania would’ve expressed themselves differently especially during riots. Chaotic scenes can be simplified by crafting careful, concise dialogues. BLM protestors and Federal agents come to mind, too.
Avoid using out of date material, and especially anachronistic material, unless you’re Lin-Manuel Miranda. George III would never say, “Awesome! Wow!” Neither would a WWII soldier say, “Dude, check out my fresh tats,” while he vaped some primo pineapple express THC with nicotine. When using dialect, accent, mannerisms, etc., remember, less is best, and ask yourself why is this particular device important?
Avoid redundancy and don’t let the character say unnatural things. Again, if you’re writing the insane ranting of a poor soul with a psychotic break, be sensitive to mental health issues and the people who suffer from those problems while being realistic in your portrayal of the character. Obviously if the character is in the story and talking, there is going to be something important to the story in what he or she says, so stick to what naturally advances the plot or deepens the character even if at first it seems incoherent to the reader.
Remember that the character’s education level, who they’re talking to, and who they’re trying to be influences your choices. Use dialogue for subtext. Infuse character into dialogue by implying words between the words, leaving pauses, and creating emphasis on certain words. An example from Julie’s workshop for Inklings last year:
“We can’t make it there by midnight.”
“Make it there by midnight? We can’t!” she rubbed her brother-in-law’s arm.
“We can’t…we can’t make it…there by by midnight,” she staggered off to the after party.
Last, but not least, here are some rules regarding punctuation. I will let everyone peruse this section at their own pace on their own time.
- Every character speaks in their own paragraph, which is indented.
- Paragraphs are getting shorter now than in the past.
- You can combine two complete sentences of dialogue from the same character in the same paragraph.
- Everything said out loud is in double quotes. Punctuation at the end is inside the quotes.
- If dialogue is continuing, use a comma to insert action.
- It depends on what follows and how it connects, though.
- Italicize thoughts on the page: do it sparsely, don’t rely on it.
- Interior needs to be there.
- Describe feelings.
- Telepathic communications.
- Punctuation inside the quotation marks:
- “What about…” trailing off…to sleep.
- “What about-“ cut off/interrupted
- “He said ‘Hark’ not ‘Park’.”
- If dialogue is continuing, use a comma to insert action.